For me...
It mayb a wrong idea to have a chat with parent after 12am... or shld i say after a tiring day.. Trust me, they would just go on n on.. N the next moment you know, you HAVE TO BE speechless.. Listening to what they have to say from their worrying heart.. Seriously, with the words used, you just wish you could cry.. It just kills you...
I understand their concerns towards me.. I know they are feeling afraid for me.. Indeed i am too.. but what do i have to say abt whats going on now.. I jus don't know..there's too many thing that i wish for.. None seem to be granted..
I thot i would only be confused from one person.. I was wrong.. Even the rest are confusing me too.. One moment they want me out... the next moment they advise me on what i shld do to make myself stay.. I wish i know which direction i'm supposed to take..
Like what i said yesterday,
"I truly understand that everyone is concern abt me.. All this while don't think that i'm being ignorant abt everything.. not listening to people advise.. BUT its not as easy as it seems.. Even before i let him go, i'm already in depression.. Almost half dead or half crazy.. N to not be with him, i can forsee myself being in the worstest state in my life.. I never say he's the perfect or the true happiness.. He have a lot of flaws in which i never want to think abt too much.. BUT please allow me to enjoy abit of happiness from him despite the pain of going thru this.. Allow me to feel that i'm being loved by someone i truly truly love.. No one could understand the pain of love like me.. No one will be able to understand.. I cant beg or plead for love... Im trying not to force love.. Not for everyone to know, i'm actually in the deepest pain.. its not easy going thru all this.. Whats more being me.. "
Neither him or the rest understand everything.. Its easier for them to say.. Then again, its me who have to do it.. Leaving him is not sumthing i would want to do.. I always being the best in one self.. I always have faith in my relationship n the person that i love.. N i know very well, that none of the guy that i've ever been with, could understand me.. Even if they know, but they dun feel me..
So for now, i pretty much wish that i'm given the permission to enjoy the moments that i have when i'm with him.. Let me enjoy the moment when i finally feel that i'm being loved.. Let me enjoy the happiness that i have now.. I just need this both.. Am i asking too much for that? If i do, then i'm sorry..
I understand their concerns towards me.. I know they are feeling afraid for me.. Indeed i am too.. but what do i have to say abt whats going on now.. I jus don't know..there's too many thing that i wish for.. None seem to be granted..
I thot i would only be confused from one person.. I was wrong.. Even the rest are confusing me too.. One moment they want me out... the next moment they advise me on what i shld do to make myself stay.. I wish i know which direction i'm supposed to take..
Like what i said yesterday,
"I truly understand that everyone is concern abt me.. All this while don't think that i'm being ignorant abt everything.. not listening to people advise.. BUT its not as easy as it seems.. Even before i let him go, i'm already in depression.. Almost half dead or half crazy.. N to not be with him, i can forsee myself being in the worstest state in my life.. I never say he's the perfect or the true happiness.. He have a lot of flaws in which i never want to think abt too much.. BUT please allow me to enjoy abit of happiness from him despite the pain of going thru this.. Allow me to feel that i'm being loved by someone i truly truly love.. No one could understand the pain of love like me.. No one will be able to understand.. I cant beg or plead for love... Im trying not to force love.. Not for everyone to know, i'm actually in the deepest pain.. its not easy going thru all this.. Whats more being me.. "
Neither him or the rest understand everything.. Its easier for them to say.. Then again, its me who have to do it.. Leaving him is not sumthing i would want to do.. I always being the best in one self.. I always have faith in my relationship n the person that i love.. N i know very well, that none of the guy that i've ever been with, could understand me.. Even if they know, but they dun feel me..
So for now, i pretty much wish that i'm given the permission to enjoy the moments that i have when i'm with him.. Let me enjoy the moment when i finally feel that i'm being loved.. Let me enjoy the happiness that i have now.. I just need this both.. Am i asking too much for that? If i do, then i'm sorry..
Comments